Moving to LA has been a culture shock. This is surprising, considering that I’m American. I’m from Chicago, which is very different from the sunny California lifestyle I have experienced since moving to Los Angeles to study at the University of Southern California a couple of weeks ago. Many people have found it surprising that I’m here. I’ve encountered sceptical glances and reactions when I tell people here I’m studying abroad from Ireland. My roommates were in disbelief when I told them where I’m actually from. I’m still getting used to the responses.  

For context, I’m a Film Major. University of Southern California and Los Angeles have dozens of opportunities for me to enrich my understanding of  my course. When I was deciding to go on Study Abroad, I had only my major in mind. I wanted to make sure that, wherever I went, I could truly immerse myself in film. That meant going to America. Last autumn, I applied to every American University I could. When I received an offer to go to Los Angeles for a semester, I knew I had to take it, regardless of my nationality. 

America is an extraordinary place, but one that might elicit laughs from other countries. America is strip malls and highways. Everything is big and loud. It can be overstimulating, like a never-ending trip to Las Vegas (of course, going to America also holds the possibility of a never-ending trip to Las Vegas). In America, we’re taught to hustle and be independent in order to succeed. No matter where you’re from or who you are, everyone has a chance to achieve the ‘American Dream’. 

I left America only a couple of years ago to experience the adventure of a new place. Moving to Ireland for school was the most important decision of my life. Here, as an American, I am finally allowed to rest. I do not have to hustle or be the best in everything. I went to a competitive boarding school in America. I felt quite a bit of pressure to excel in all fields of life. We were told to take over 8 classes a semester, as well as maintain a 4.0 GPA. Teachers would tell us jobs meant everything. We made LinkedIns at 14. I had my first practice interview then, too. I felt pressure to do theatre, to do field hockey, to join Model UN. I was encouraged to know all life skills, such as paying taxes, ironing, and cooking fancy meals for Christmas. Peers would condemn each other in school if they heard someone took a week vacation, or wanted to go to a state school rather than an Ivy league. I would be rewarded for being athletic by having a poster put in the school hallway for my 7 minute mile. My mother sat me down at age 13 to begin thinking about careers and internships. I was told to go to university for networking. I would anxiously check my social media following in fear it could limit opportunities for me in the future. While Americans can get things done, I can argue it is not in the healthiest way. 

At Trinity, I have a community and can take things at a slower pace. I love Irish culture because of how family and connection are the most important thing. Throughout my life, I’ve been very independent and career-focused. Now, I’ve finally had the opportunity to be present. As I’ve integrated into the University of Southern California, I’ve found the ‘American Dream’ mentality very prevalent here. I’ve met individuals who have come from nothing and now go to one of the best universities in the country. Los Angeles is known as a place where people can achieve stardom, but at a cost. I’ve noticed here that everyone has to be the best at everything. It feels like everyone I’ve met has already made several films, or been scouted to  model. I know a girl who is trying to go to the Olympics for Track and Field. Everyone I know here has an internship lined up at a top tier company. My friends and I wake up early to go to pilates, and still go to bed late after partying at a frat house. I’ve met several celebrities (including Michael Strahan and Lisa Rinna from the Real Housewives) and seen more Teslas than pedestrians. I think about how much I can get done in a day, rather than sleeping in on a lazy Sunday. I talk to myself in the bathroom mirror at parties after getting concerned glances from peers due to being an exchange student. Afterwards, they ask me to ‘put in a good word’ to my internship bosses in New York City. I say nothing in response. I do not know these people. I check my face for spots everytime I pass my reflection in the windows of Los Angeles. I cower in shame every time a man glances at my cleavage. I shield my drink during social events. I even cried when I received an A- instead of an A for a midterm. I’ve never done that before. It’s telling how much the ‘American Dream’ has affected me as a young woman. Don’t get me wrong, Trinity is not perfect either-I do not miss the Arts Block culture, or the party scene. I felt pressure to look and act a certain way in order to be liked on campus. However, not only do I worry about my appearance now, but I worry about my academic/career standing as well.  Everything I’ve learned in Ireland about not hustling too hard, or being the best, has been put to the back of my mind. Now, I focus on the large sprawling campus located only a short drive from Hollywood. Los Angeles is a beautiful place, but if you look at its seemingly perfect surface for long enough then its blemishes become visible. My friend from Los Angeles, who moved to Boston, calls the city “American Chernobyl”, due to its toxicity. People here want to know where you come from, how much money you have. What you can give them. Mostly unlike Irish people, the majority will not help you if you are in a crisis. Rather, they’ll  smile awkwardly and walk away. It’s clear Los Angeles is for a certain type of person. I’m not sure yet if I’m one of them. 

I already miss the green valleys of Ireland and going to Doyle’s. I have noticed that, due to my time living in Ireland, I don’t exactly feel “American” in the way my peers do. At the same time, being born and raised in America, I cannot label myself amongst the local Irish students either. I’m one of the few students in LA. who don’t quite have a group of people they can assimilate with, as I’m not technically an international student nor from an American university.. While students here embrace individualism, all of them seem to be part of a club or team. I have found that many students here struggle to be alone. I rarely see a student walking alone or eating alone, even though at Trinity it is quite common. I wonder if it is due to the fear of loneliness in America or an  intense desire to be liked. I’m so used to spending days alone at Trinity, but now I notice myself feeling anxious if I am alone for even an hour. 

Going back to the American lifestyle this semester is important to me as I know I will live here again once I graduate. I understand now that America is such a big, diverse place. Los Angeles itself is a different planet. Before I came here, I was sceptical of going back to the States because I felt that I already understood it. However, Southern California feels like a different continent to the one I grew up in. I know when I finish my time here that my life will be very different. Even as an American, I find the concept of American colleges and American culture absolutely fascinating. I feel as if I am now embracing the ‘American Dream’ due to the numerous opportunities that have been offered to me here. While I miss the slowness of my life ‘abroad’, I have embraced a newfound energy in Los Angeles. It has taught me balance, and to say yes to outlandish opportunities. I hope everyone is able to experience it one day.